August 21, 2012
Our baby is here! Charley Alene was born on Sunday, August 12, 2012 at 10:56 a.m., weighing 6 lbs. 11 oz. and 19" long. Jessica called me at 4:30 a.m. telling me her water broke (FYI, don't go to bed at 3 a.m. in case your birth mom calls at 4:30!). I called Jack to get to the airport and then I ran around trying to get things together. I got to the Logan hospital around 8 and Jessica was dilated to a 6. From there it went very fast. Jess kept refusing the epidural, she did amazing! I cried watching her be in so much pain, but I was able to rub her back and legs and hold her hand and cheer her on. It was the most amazing experience of my life, to watch my "little sister" give birth to my baby. I was bawling! Charley came out screaming, the most beautiful, perfect baby I'd ever seen.
First time holding my baby girl. Oh, there were so many emotions going through me.
Jack had an experience getting there...no one would answer their phones at 3:30 a.m. (AZ time), so he had to call a cab. I arranged for my brother-in-law to drop off his car at the airport. As soon as Jack got into the canyon, I called him to see where he was at and to let him know she was here! As soon as he heard her crying, he lost it. And then he said, "Oh, crap, I think I got a flat tire!" Turns out he did, and the spare was also flat. So Jessica's dad and boyfriend went to his rescue. It wasn't the ideal way for him to get to the hospital, but very memorable! As soon as he saw his baby girl, he fell totally and completely in love.
We were able to spend a lot of time with Jess and Charley at the hospital, and they also came up to Bear Lake where my family reunion was being held (which gave us something to do until placement). Placement took place at the agency on Wednesday, the 15th. It was one of the hardest, yet most wonderful things I've ever done. While Jessica signed her relinqueshment papers, we were in the room next door praying for her. Then we signed our paper work. Jessica's family came in and we exchanged gifts, hugged, cried, took pictures. Then Jessica's dad gave her a priesthood blessing, and Jack gave Charley a blessing. The Spirit was amazingly strong in the room. Then Jessica "placed" Charley in our arms and they left. After that I completely broke down. I was so heartbroken for her. She has so much courage and love for this baby. We will do the best we can to be great parents for her!
Logan was beyond excited to finally meet his baby sister. It was love at first sight. He is always kissing her, wanting to hold her (for small increments), and hold her bottle.
We love this baby girl more than words can say. Luckily all of our family is in town and were able to meet her. They all adore her! She is an angel and has already brought so much joy into our lives!
More than anything, we are so grateful to Jessica and her family. No amount of gifts or thank you's will ever be enough. We had a visit yesterday and had a very long photography session. So many people love this little lady and she will always know it. We feel so blessed to call them our family now.
June 24, 2012
This beautiful, brave girl is giving us the greatest gift we could ever receive...a daughter!
Meet Jessica, our birth mom.
After lots of e-mailing, texting, and Skyping, we met Jessica in Utah to go to her 20 week ultrasound. We immediately fell in love with her entire family. We found out that we would be having a baby girl!
Jessica was able to come down and stay with us for almost 2 weeks in May. A good friend of ours took these pictures on Birth Mother's Day, which is the day before Mother's Day. We had a blast getting to know Jessica better. She is like my little sister-from-another-mister, and she and Jack are like best friends. She let us feel baby girl kick almost everyday. It was surreal. Logan is SO excited to be a big brother!
There is so much more to this story. I have tried so many times to sit and write it all down. Many miracles have brought us together and we've seen the Lord's hand throughout this process. We only have a few short weeks until this baby girl joins our family, and we're so blessed to have Jessica as part of our family too. We love her!
Charley Alene Tucker, due to arrive August 20, 2012 in Logan, Utah.
The day before Logan's due date, in the same hospital, in the city where our family began.
March 20, 2012
Yesterday I received a call from Katie. A couple from Logan, Utah is interested in us and she said to expect an e-mail. We were on pins and needles until the inbox show the funniest subject line that made us laugh and cry. We said a prayer together, read the e-mail, and then sat in shock. This is them! It's only been 5 weeks since we were approved! Is this really happening??
Just a little Sunday afternoon baseball at the park. Love these boys!
My heart is aching right now. My brother called just a little while ago to let us know that they lost their baby girl at 36 (?) weeks. She was going to have some problems (double cleft lip, possible cleft palate, blockage in her intestine) that she would need surgery for right away. We did a family fast and said lots of prayers for them, but Heavenly Father must have a very special plan. I've lost 3 babies very early on, but I can't even begin to imagine losing a fully developed baby, who has been kicking and moving inside of you for 8 months. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of giving birth to a baby who will never take her first breath or open her eyes. As soon as I hung up the phone with my brother, I fell to my knees in prayer. I know He will be with them to help them through this extremely difficult time. I wish I could be in Utah to help them. I wish I could take some of their pain away.
March 1, 2012
Last night I was able to go to the Birth Mother Pamper Night at the Mesa LDS Family Services agency. A few weeks ago I volunteered to do a wood craft for the night, and I was really looking forward to getting to know these ladies.
I had no idea what a treat I was in for! A minute after I got out of the car I met an expectant mother, who was one of the sweetest people and I immediately felt very protective of her. Over the course of the night, I met many amazing birth mothers. Most of the time I just sat back and listened to them while they did the craft, listening to the things they've done with their lives since placing their babies. They were all showing off pictures and videos of their kids, and they talked about them and their adoptive parents with so much love.
{I had Jack and a friend from the ward help me cut out 100 little pieces of wood, enough to make 20 crafts for the night. Love my manly man!}
{Here's a few of the birth mothers I met painting their crafts. There were also tables for braids/nails, making flowers for your hair, make-up, a styling class, food, and each birth mother was treated to a half hour message!}
{This is the example I made. The pictures are friends of ours who have adopted, 2 of them pictured with their birthmother at the sealing. }
{These are a few pictures of ones birth moms made:}
On the drive home, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I truly love birth mothers. These women were simply amazing and it was wonderful just to be in their presence. I can't wait to meet our birth mom! I hope we get to have an open relationship with her and that we become good friends. I love her already!
How adoption has already changed my life:
I used to be an "I can do anything" type of person. When I had Logan, I changed to a "I can't do that because I have a baby" type of person, and I stayed that way, even until he was 4 years old. I never volunteered to donate blood because I might be pregnant. I didn't work out because what if I was pregnant and hurt the baby? I didn't serve people the way I should have because I was busy with my own baby.
Starting the adoption process made me change to an "I can do that because I don't have a baby yet" type of person. I can donate blood because I know I'm not pregnant. There are those who can't...I can! I can take meals to new moms, watch kids for friends on bedrest, stay with sick friends, teach Preschool. There are those who are super busy with their own kids...but I know for now that I'm not, so this is my time to serve!
I used to busy myself with thoughts of babies. Now I busy myself with other things so that I don't have time to concentrate on babies. I'm not impatient for it to happen anymore because I know it will when the time is right. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying serving while I have the time.
I feel like last year 2 things happened that will be among the most defining parts of my life:
Deciding to adopt, and deciding to do preschool.
Adoption led me to preschool and preschool will lead me to adoption. I wouldn't be doing preschool without having gone through years of infertility, but this is without a doubt something I'll be doing for a big part of my life.
It all happens in the right order, and we can't see that until we get far enough into our trial that we can look back and appreciate what got us to this point.
Here's me donating blood for my first time today:
About 5 minutes ago our caseworker called to let me know some GREAT news!
WE ARE CERTIFIED!!!
I seriously can't stop smiling (and crying) right now. We've felt like we have been already doing the "finding" stage, but I feel like this moment officially begins the finding stage for our baby. From this moment on, we can be contacted at anytime by a potential birth mom. She might see our profile tonight and know that we're the ones...she might see it a couple of years from now and know we're the ones...We won't know until it happens, but I personally feel like we are getting really close to finding our baby.
I am so overwhelmed with emotion right now. I'm so so so grateful we've decided to go on this adoption journey.
To our birthmom: I think about you about a hundred times a day. We love you so much already.
February 9, 2012
Logan's conversation today with a friend whose mom is pregnant:
Friend: My mom has a baby in her belly and it's a boy.
Logan: Well, I'm gonna have a girl.
Friend: Your mom has a baby in her belly?
Logan: No, a mommy has a baby in her tummy and she's going to choose us.
Me: That's right! What's that called?
Logan: Adoption!
(Just for the record...we don't have a preference if we get a boy or girl!)
February 4, 2012
I recently stumbled upon this amazing family's blog, who are also hoping to adopt. She sure has a way with words, and this describes exactly how I feel as someone going through secondary infertility.
sometimes people are nice.
sometimes they are not.
in the infertility world,
secondary infertility isn't always understood.
some think it's not really "real" infertility,
because you have had a positive pregnancy test.
it's not really "real" infertility,
because you have felt life growing inside you.
it's not really "real" infertility,
because you have snuggled your newborn babe.
it's not really "real" infertility,
because you are a mom.
in a way they are right.
not a day goes by that I don't thank God
for my miracle of a son.
for the opportunity I have to be called "mom".
i am so incredibly thankful.
but those same reasons listed are exactly why
secondary infertility is so hard.
we know EXACTLY what we are missing.
secondary infertility is hard too.
there are a few additional things that make it hard.
for example,
we want so badly to give our child a sibling.
it hurts so much when they ask.
when we see them playing alone.
and we can't provide.
even more,
because we got pregnant once,
we may have taken it for granted.
because we had a baby,
we didn't think we would have trouble having more.
so we didn't fully savor it.
we may have wished for time to pass quickly.
to escape the crying
and the diapers
and the long nights.
oh how i miss them.
so now my advice to all new mothers is
to hold that baby
hold them.
even when all the smart dr's in all the smart books
say to put that baby down.
don't.
hold that baby.
love on that baby.
cherish that baby.
it goes so quickly.
and once it's gone,
it may be gone for good.
i wish someone would have told me that.
infertility is hard.
secondary infertility is hard, too.
You can visit their blog here.
January 31, 2012
I have been dreading February coming...I guess it's because it marks 1 year since our last miscarriage and 3 years since we started trying for a baby. We were counting down the days until today, which is exactly 6 weeks since our papers were submitted to the court. I've been checking the mail everyday with so much anticipation, but we haven't heard anything yet. I know the waiting is taking its toll on Jack too...our home teachers were over a couple of weeks ago and as Jack offered the closing prayer, he couldn't help crying (which of course, made me start crying). I love to see that sensitive side of his.
Yesterday I dropped this big 'ole stack of mail at the Post Office:
VERY late New Year's cards, each one containing a few pass-along cards too. My hands were shaking as I kissed the stack and dropped them in the mail box. They're heading off to California, New Mexico, Utah, Colorado, Idaho, Texas, Georgia, Florida, and North Carolina.
I wonder where our birth mom is, and how and when we will find each other...
January 14, 2012
Happy New Year!
Us on Christmas Eve
Spoiled boy
Christmas visitors: Grandma Cheryl, Trisha, Brandon, Zach, and Halle
We got our pass-along cards 2 days before Christmas, so I wasn't able to send them out with a Christmas card. I decided to do a New Year's card instead, and I hope people don't think that's super weird! :) I was released as Primary Chorister in our ward and Jack and I were called to teach Valiant 10 together in Primary. I went into Relief Society to hand out some pass-along cards and I was shaking! I also sent some home with my preschool kids. I was literally shaking, thinking that our information was out now...that it could get into the hands of a potential birth mother anytime now! We should be getting our certification back in a couple of weeks, so I've been working on getting our blog and profile up to date.
I told Jack right before Christmas that I feel our baby close...as in I feel physically drawn to our baby. I feel my heart being pulled in a direction, trying to find our baby. The thought of how close it really might be gives me butterflies in my stomach. :)
December 20, 2011
Just a quick update:
Just got an e-mail from Katie saying that our paperwork has been submitted to the court! Let the 6 week countdown begin! Merry Christmas!
Oh-and we got our pictures back, so I ordered our pass along cards. They should be here any day! Looks like we'll be sending out New Year's cards this year...
Oh-and we got our pictures back, so I ordered our pass along cards. They should be here any day! Looks like we'll be sending out New Year's cards this year...
December 15, 2011
We met with Katie today for our individual interviews. We were able to do it at our old stake center, just right up the street, where they have a birth mothers group every week. When I walked in I felt like Katie was just an old friend that I could tell anything to. We chatted for a few minutes about plans for Christmas, and then she asked about our troubles with infertility. It didn't take long for the waterworks to start! I would be surprised if she understood a word I said with all the blubbering. :) The pain of it all came rushing back, but at the same time I wanted to make it very clear to her that I am SO grateful for the experiences we've had, and looking back I wouldn't change any of it. I know I needed to go through those things to learn and grow, and I wouldn't be as happy as I am today if everything had just been handed to me on a silver platter.
She asked if I know anyone who is adopted, has adopted, or placed for adoption. She asked how our families feel about adoption...I told her that while there has been no adoption in my family, we have a niece and nephew who are not blood related, but that has never made a difference to anyone. She asked about my relationship with Jack, and how it has changed over the past few years of infertility. I think he's changed tremendously...I know his testimony is so much stronger than it was, and he has become a better leader of our family. We have struggled with communication, but once we decided to adopt everything has gotten so much better!
Jack had his interview right after mine. He said that Katie asked him mostly the same things...how he feels about our infertility, how he feels about birthparents, how he feels about Logan.
Before we came she had called our references to make sure they are who they said they are (which is kind of funny, if you ask me!). Katie said that she just has to finish her part of our paperwork, and hopes to have it in before she leaves for Utah next week. YAY! 6 weeks from then, we should be approved and ready to put our profile up! I hope those 6 weeks go fast...I can't believe we're so close!
November 29, 2011
We had our home study today! We met our caseworker, Katie Smith, for the first time today. I felt like we instantly clicked...she is so sweet, has a fun sense of humor, and is very easy to talk to. She is from Utah too, so that was a fun connection. We sat and talked for awhile just about us in general, what led us to adoption, things about Logan, etc. Then we took her on a tour of the house. She made sure to see where cleaner and medicine is kept, and she checked for smoke alarms throughout the house. Now we just need to finish our AHS template (the papers that are actually submitted to the court) and then we can set up our individual interviews. That's the last thing to be done before things are out of our hands.
Wow...with Christmas, preschool, and adoption things all going right now I feel SO busy! But it's such a good busy, I love it. I wish there is more that I could do for our adoption right now.
A friend in our ward, Becky, contacted me on Facebook and asked if she can take pictures for our profile for free (she is a professional photographer). That was another miracle in this process, since I've been really stressing over having good pictures for our profile. I couldn't believe that in this busy Christmas season that she would volunteer her time and talent for free. She is so sweet!
November 16, 2011
After A LOT of work and multiple doctors visits this week, our paperwork is DONE! Our goal was to have it in before we left to Utah for Thanksgiving, and we did it! We went straight from our doctor's appointments to the LDSFS office. We finally found out who our caseworker is, so I'll be e-mailing her today so we can set up our home study for when we get back from Utah. I feel like things are finally rolling along!
November 10, 2011
We finally turned in our online paperwork!
WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I had already done a lot of it, but Jack hadn't done very much. A friend in our ward who used to work for LDSFS told me that when we feel the timing is urgent, it will be for a reason. Well, after the conference we sure felt like we needed to get everything done ASAP. So after church on Sunday (Nov. 6), we both did our parts, got together to edit, filled in the gaps, reviewed everything and...submitted it!
In the 3 days since, we've sent out our recommendation letters, set up doctors appointments, got fingerprinted, created a photobook about our family to give to our caseworker to show, and did a lot more paperwork that I can't even remember. We're leaving to Utah next week and we want to get everything in to LDSFS before we leave.
I've never felt so confident or excited about our adoption! I have had the Spirit testify to me MANY times this week that this is absolutely the right thing to be doing, and the right time. All my fears and doubts seem to have left me.
Jack even told me yesterday that every time he thinks about what we're doing, he gets butterflies in his stomach. He's been pushing me to get things done as hard as I've been pushing him. Last night in bed he tapped me and said, "It's your turn to get the baby", broke out laughing, and then said, "Won't that be so weird? I can't wait to do that again."
November 5, 2011
I told Jack that I needed some time to concentrate on Preschool before really digging into the adoption papers...I didn't realize that 2 1/2 months would fly by like that! Yikes!
This weekend we went to the FSA Southwest Conference at the ASU Institute. Last night (Friday) there was dinner and a carnival, which Logan loved!
Today there was a breakfast, keynote speaker (who said lots of things I needed to hear), and then we went to classes. Jack and I decided to go to: Adoption Basics, Arizona Adoption Law, Gifts for Birthmothers, Finding Your Happily Ever After, and Putting Your Best Finding Foot Forward. It wasn't exactly what we were expecting (we were there were more about exactly how the process goes, how to do the paperwork, etc.), but I'm so grateful for the people who taught the classes, mostly adoptive parents, because they said exactly what we needed to hear. Before lunch there was a birthmother panel...3 birthmothers who were all very different and had very different stories. I relished it, because although I know a few adoptive couples, I don't really know any birthmothers. And what they have to share is so personal and sacred, I loved hearing what they had to share with us.
Above all, I know without a doubt now that we will find OUR baby. Not A baby. I know that it will feel so right for both us and the birthparents when the time comes. From the people who shared experiences, I now have a testimony that these special spirits are sent to teach us, and they were destined from the beginning to come to our family. Heavenly Father just wanted them to come a different way so that we can continue to learn and grow.
At the end of the day there was a raffle, and the very last prize was a basket from Message Envy, including a gift certificate...oh, I was praying they would say my name, thinking "I could reeeeeallly use a message!" Lo and behold...I won! YAY!
Me and my sweety at the end of a long conference day. We are more than ready to find our birthmom!
September 3, 2011
We've been in school for 2 weeks now and I'm finally getting around to blogging.
Here's a tour of my Preschool!
What you see when you walk in. The blue table is the reading/writing center, and the red table is the art table.
Turn right and you see this:
Turn right again and see this:
Turn right again and see this:
A closer look of how I try to stay organized. :)
The rug time corner. In the closet are hooks for backpacks and their cubbies.
The reading center. Jack made me this bookshelf out of scrap wood for $3! Yay!
Cubbies.
The first day of Pre-K!
The first day of Jr. -me putting a nametag on.
Getting into the swing of things. This is Miss Amy, my good friend and assistant teacher.
When I had a few students signed up, I was afraid that was all and that it wouldn't be enough. However, in just 4 short weeks I had 23 kids sign up! I feel so humbled that their parents trust me to love and teach their children. I was hoping for 8 in each class, so 16 total, and I ended up with 11 in my Pre-K and 12 in my Jr.!!! Wow!!!
Jack has been so supportive and helpful during this whirlwind adventure. I feel extremely blessed to be able to have my dream job, in my own home, to be able to be home with Logan, work with one of my best friends, and raise money for our adoption fund! I will be earning more than I could have ever imagined! Only a few weeks ago we were so downhearted about how we were going to be able to afford to adopt--now it really is going to happen because the Lord had a plan for us and we are working to make it happen!
I can't say this enough...I am finally at the place where I can look back and see how everything led here. This is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I felt like Heavenly Father was absent from my life for a very long time...I know He wasn't, but I felt abandoned. These past few months I have felt like He is standing right beside me, finally laying His plan out before my eyes and setting me on the path to make it work. I am so grateful.
August 17, 2011
First of all, I just have to say that I am NOT okay with Logan turning 4. I'm having a really hard time with it, because he's my only baby! I don't have another kid to snuggle and talk like a baby to, so I do it to him. Don't worry-he still speaks and acts like a 4 year old, but he has his baby moments to please his mommy. :)
We had a pool pirate party for him today. It was so much fun!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOGAN!
(By the way, the other night we had this conversation:
Logan: Who made me?
Me: Heavenly Father and Jesus did!
Logan: No, they didn't! They put me in your tummy and then the doctor at the hospital got me out!
Smarty-pants.)
Logan: Who made me?
Me: Heavenly Father and Jesus did!
Logan: No, they didn't! They put me in your tummy and then the doctor at the hospital got me out!
Smarty-pants.)
August 11, 2011
Last night Logan and I came home from a mini-vacation to St. George. As soon as we got Logan to bed, Jack wanted to share a new song he wrote with his guitar. He told me how we was just playing around one day and then it hit him what we are actually about to do. He said it literally froze him. He told me that he became very emotional and sat down and these words came out.
I told him I wanted to hear it, so he picked up his guitar and started to play. As soon as he sang the first word, he broke down in tears and scooped me into his arms and we cried together. We are bawl babies! :) Then he tried his best to sing me the song he wrote. It was amazing. I hope that one day he'll record it so we can post it on here, or that he'll allow me to post the words (I don't want to yet since they are very special).
Basically, he wrote this song to our baby who we don't know yet...about how our baby is out there and that we will find it and bring it home and love it and how it will change us. It was incredible. Jack said he didn't write it...it just came out of him, like someone was speaking through him. When he finished we hugged and cried some more.
It is amazing to me where we're at right now and what has brought us here. I know this journey is going to bring us to closer together, is going to be very emotional (look at what it's already done to us! :) ), and is going to be hard but SO SO SO worth it!
P.S.-My preschool starts in 11 days! I have 10 students registered in my Pre-K class and 7 registered in my Jr. class! Watching those registrations come in day after day has been another miracle in our lives right now. I truly am seeing God's hand orchestrate this whole thing.
August 2, 2011
We had a miracle happen this week...
Jack got the mail on Monday after work and opened it next to me while I was making dinner. All of the sudden he said, "What the heck?", so I looked down at what he was holding and saw a check for $1000. So I said, "What the heck?" Along with it was a note from Jack's brother and his wife (and kids :) ), saying that after reading our blog they really wanted to help us get a baby sooner. Jack looked at me and said, "You better cry, because I'm going to!" We hugged and I broke down in tears. I couldn't believe their generosity! It almost makes me feel guilty, but I know they really wanted to help, and this way we can start the adoption process NOW!
We skyped with them tonight and I couldn't help but start crying again, trying to let them know how grateful we are. Things have been happening everyday that are miracles to me and testify to me that this is truly what we are meant to be doing right now.
July 19, 2011
I've been thinking for awhile about starting my own preschool, but thought that I'd have to at least wait until next year. This weekend, after talking about how we're going to earn the money for adoption, I started to feel like this was the right time to do it! My friend, Amy, wants to be my assistant teacher. So we worked really hard all weekend putting together our blog, pricing, curriculum, planning out the room, etc. I sent out an e-mail last night to all the Relief Societies in the stake and we'll put out flyers today! I'm so excited! Jack and I have both been on cloud 9, so hopeful for the future! I hope this will allow us to have a little one come into our home, but it's also something I LOVE and hope to continue doing to help support our family!
Here's the link: dream-a-lotpreschool.blogspot.com
July 15, 2011
Yesterday we finally got to go to the orientation at LDS Family Services! I had butterflies in my stomach all day. There was one other couple there that also has biological children (3 year old twins through IVF) and they have been married 13 years! Wow! They've been waiting a long time. The information was pretty much what we already knew, but it was good to hear it from an actual caseworker. An adoptive parent from FSA also came to talk to us and said a couple of things I really needed to hear. They were things I was afraid only I was feeling...like feeling like you're in competition with other couples to get a baby, and feeling guilty because we already have a child and some couples don't and we feel like we're taking their chance of being a parent away...but really we are just all trying to find our baby, and the right one will come to us.
The next step is to pay the $1000 application/homestudy fee and then we can get going on the major chunk of the paperwork. Jack and I went to Cold Stone for some ice cream to talk about things. I started to feel pretty sad because I know it's going to take us a few months to save up that money, so we can't do anything until then! I feel like we've waited so long for a baby already, and now it's more waiting until we can even start the paperwork, and who knows how long that will take? I know it is what we need to do and it will happen in the right time...and it will be SO worth it! I know it doesn't take very much for me to get frustrated and hopeless about the whole thing, but Jack is always so optimistic! He has an eternal perspective and is so patient. He is my best friend and I couldn't do this without him! I am so excited at the thought of expanding our family together and loving a new little baby together.
June 20, 2011
Well, it took almost 3 weeks but we turned in our initial paperwork today! All 3 of us went because we were so excited. Our Bishop gave us an amazing recommendation, we're so grateful. Thanks to Jack for pushing me to fill out the rest, I was kind of dragging my feet! After an answer so strongly like we got, it's hard not to let doubtful thoughts creep in. Are we going to be able to afford this? What if no one chooses us? Am I going to love the baby enough? Do we still try to get pregnant? How long is this going to take? Jack was the one to calm all of my fears. He encouraged me to start writing down the letter to the birthmother I've been writing in my head. So many things I want to say, so many things I want her to know about us...We were so bummed when we found out we have to wait 3 1/2 more weeks to even go to the orientation! I guess this process is going to be a lot of waiting!
June 1, 2011
This morning I went to the cannery with our stake, and since the cannery is in the same building as LDSFS, I walked over and asked how we can get started with the adoption process! The lady in charge was out of town, but I was given the initial paperwork to fill out our basic info and references, and a recommendation letter for the Bishop to fill out. It was such a great feeling walking in there! I felt like it was the start to something wonderful!
I texted the Bishop to see if we could have a couple minutes of his time, then texted Jack to see if he wanted to meet me at the temple after work. My friend watched Logan and Jack and I met up at the Mesa Temple. At first our recommends were denied (they are supposed to expire at the end of June, but it was put into the system incorrectly). They called our Bishop to make sure we were worthy and then let us in. I wonder what our Bishop was thinking at this point. :)
We waited for awhile to do sealings, and we were the first ones to the altar. First we sealed daughters to their parents, with a 100 year old woman as the daughter. What an amazing lady! The temple workers said she does sealings every single day. Wow! Then Jack and I sealed couples. As soon as the sealer started the first sealing, Jack started crying. It didn't take me very long to lose it as well. I can't even describe what happened, but we both felt like there was someone there with us. The spirit was overwhelming, we were sobbing. The sealer stopped to give us tissues and remarked how the veil can be very thin sometimes.
Afterwards we went up to the Celestial Room and sat and prayed together. We both felt like adoption was definitely our answer and we want to go full force with it. I don't think my heart has ever felt so light like it did when we made that decision with Heavenly Father.
After we put Logan to bed, we had a neighbor come over while we ran over to the Bishop's house. We told him that we want to adopt and he immediately got very excited. We left him with the recommendation letter to fill out. I can't believe we're already getting things rolling!
We ended this long day by kneeling down to pray next to our bed. We thanked Heavenly Father for the guidance we felt in the temple. We asked Him to watch over and bless our birthmother, that she may have the support she needs in her life and that she may feel loved. We love her already.
May 30, 2011
I have been thinking about adoption for a couple of weeks. I keep finding myself at the LDS Family Services website. I keep talking about it to friends. I keep writing a letter to a birthmother in my head. But the one person I hadn't said anything to is my husband. I wanted to make sure I knew how I felt about it before bringing it up to him. Well, I never got the chance.
On the way home from church yesterday (Sunday, May 29), Jack told me about a guest speaker they had in combined Relief Society/Priesthood (I am in Primary, so I wasn't there). It was a man from LDSFS, who mainly wanted to talk about help for addictions, but touched a little on adoption. When we got home, Jack gave me a big hug and said, "I want one. I don't care how it gets here, I want a baby." I couldn't believe my ears! Separately, but distinctly, we both got very strong impressions that we needed to start the adoption process. Jack told me how excited he was to help a child that needed us, that we can give it a loving home and a strong family! We talked about how we've always been open to the thought of adoption, but never really thought it would happen with us.
I told my friend today day and she told me that she had been watching Jack during that meeting, and noticed how entranced he was. I told her the things he had heard, and she said she didn't remember hearing them, so he must have been meant to hear those things. It was what he needed. She told me how she has always noticed how I just love other people's babies. I guess not everyone is like that? She said most people hold them and give them back. But not me...she said I snuggle and love them like they were my own. I thought that was normal! :) During this conversation I thought about how I was finally feeling something. I have been complaining for quite a long time about how I haven't felt really strongly towards anything babywise...I have kind of felt like Heavenly Father abandoned me to figure it out on my own.
But now...I feel something. I feel very strongly. It's such a relief to feel like there is something to work towards, to feel hope! To feel like there is an answer! Not the answer I expected, but I realized: If Heavenly Father would have given us the prompting to adopt when we first started trying for #2, would we have listened? No. We would have kept going with "our plan". If we had that prompting after the first miscarriage, would we have listened then? Probably not. We would have figured it was a fluke, and we'd try to still get pregnant on our own. If we would have gotten that prompting after the second miscarriage, would we have listened? Probably not. Third time's the charm, right? Gotta try one more time before giving in to His plan! Are we listening after the third miscarriage? You bet we are! Are we scared? Heck yes! Are we excited? We couldn't be more excited! To finally realize, after 2 1/2 years, what "our plan" is and what "Heavenly Father's plan" is and to be perfectly okay with it? WHAT A GREAT FEELING!
